Emotional Growth Through Storytelling with Kathleen Davis

Kathleen Davis' 'Our Hearts, explores the magic and connection our hearts are capable of with the truth that we are never alone in our feelings.

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Valerie - Welcome to Bookworthy, where we talk about the heart behind the books your kids are reading. Today, we're talking with children's author Kathleen Davis. Kathleen is a retired teacher and mother of three who believes books not only provide a fountain of information but also a way to positively influence perspectives. Her picture book, Our Hearts, was Bookworthy's book of the month last December. This charming picture book explores the magic and connection our hearts are capable of with beautiful illustrations and the profound truth that we are never alone in our feelings. Welcome to Bookworthy, Kathleen.

Kathleen - Thank you so much for having me, Valerie. I'm so happy to be here and chat with you this morning.

Valerie - It's been fun to watch your books grow and all that's going on with you and all your books. So I'm excited to chat with you today. But before we get started, we have to do our random questions of the week. And since Valentine's is coming soon, I thought I'd ask what's your favorite flower to receive other than roses, the typical Valentine's flower.

Kathleen - Okay, so I don't actually like getting roses and actually a few years ago I told my husband don't ever buy me any more flowers for the rest of moving Mary for like 17 years for the rest of your life don't buy me any more flowers because I as you can see people who are listening can't see really love potted plants a lot I probably have like 30 plants in my house so I'm like if you're gonna spend $30 and that's like Costco price not like real price on plants like just go get me a plant. But I guess if we had to pick flowers, I really love the ones at Trader Joe's. They're like hipster-y, hippie-dippy flowers that they have. They have this really purple, I don't even know what they're called. They have this purple one that doesn't even have petals. It's just kind of spiky. I like to just go to Trader Joe's and put them together. And my sister actually has this thing she follows on Instagram where you can go to Trader Joe's any time of the month. And it'll tell you what flowers to put together to make the most beautiful bouquet. So I would probably go with that.

Valerie - I do love how Trader Joe's and Sprouts and several other places have just not the normal flowers that you see. Like, go to the general store and you get the carnations and the roses, but there's definitely some unique things that show up at Trader Joe's and other places. So that's fun. Well, Kathleen, tell us a little bit about your book, Our Hearts.

 Kathleen - So Our Hearts is my fourth book. I have self-published all of my books. Our Hearts is my latest. And it's my third picture book that I did. I would say kind of completing my series of picture books, which all pretty much focus on the idea that you are loved, that you are important. That God is with you and that you're essentially, whether you believe in God or you don't, because my book's kind of all starting with Bible verse, but they're not really like, know, meaty as far as religious tones, but whatever your belief system is, it's just that you're not alone in life, that kids are not, you're not alone. Whatever you're going through, you're going through it together. And our hearts especially focus on that because that's really the main message in that. It's about how you share a heart you meaning children who you're reading this to, with the people in your life that love you so much and that whatever the child, whatever you're going through, your parents, your caretakers, your grandparents, your brothers, your sisters, they kind of go through it with you and they feel it alongside with you. And so no matter how sad or desperate or terrible you're feeling, you are not alone in that because I know as a mother of three, if my kids are having a bad day, it really affects you. And I wanted kids to know that. And then the book actually starts like that, and then it switches tones to, yeah, but all the good stuff we feel too. So all the joy and all the happiness and all the laughter, the people in your life who love you also feel that too. Together, we go through life.

Valerie - I love that it is kind of that thing that's hard to communicate to kids that you affect the people around you and that they can affect them positively or negatively, or, you know, even that your emotions are not the first, the emotion you're feeling is not the first time that emotion has ever been felt, you know, because I know for our kids. After all, sometimes they are feeling anger and anxiety for the first time in their own little lives or their own little situations. But it's not a foreign concept to those who are around them and love them and want to help them face those emotions, not push them away, but to face them and walk through them together. And I love that picture.

Kathleen - Yeah, and a lot of times, for our kids, there are new feelings, right? I mean, obviously, kids get angry and sad and happy and joyful their whole life, but to actually recognize what they're feeling might be a newer thing that they're doing, you know, as they become six, seven, eight, nine, and parents are like, we don't need to get angry. We can stay calm, or we don't need to be sad. Or I know we're so excited. So recognizing their feelings might feel different. I just feel like we're in this world now, that's so, it's so introspective. We're in this like, everything is about me, and I truly we're stuck in our cell phones, and I was recognizing a lot in my kids how introspective they are and how really they wanted the world to revolve around them, and everything is about them. And so again, just another reminder that, like they're feeling it, but it's affecting others too.

Valerie - Yes, I know that's something. I have a kiddo that has some sensory issues, has sensor processing disorder and ADHD, and so he can get really loud, very in your face, and not everybody handles that well. And so we've had to talk about that a lot. It's like, look, you're the way that you are behaving is affecting the people around you. And some kids are like, yeah, let's go, let's do the, be wild and bounce off the walls. And some kids just cannot handle that at all. And so it's been a journey of walking with them and being like, pay attention to how others are responding because it might feel great to you.

Kathleen - And children's books are such good ways to deliver messages about everything, right? Like, your child is not necessarily feeling sad or lonely or overly whatever, but it's like an entry point to have these discussions. Like, you know, the way you're acting, even though you're feeling all of this inside, the way it's coming out is affecting others. Children's books are such a great tool for parents who are experiencing whatever it is that they're going through in life, the issues. It's such an easy way to get it out there and be able to start a discussion.

Valerie - I do love the power that children's books have because even as a parent, there is tons of material for me to read as a parent for parenting this kid and that kid. But sometimes it's like, but that doesn't really tell me how to communicate with my child. And I think children's books have that ability to take these large, big concepts that even we as parents struggle with, and just keep it so simple and allow you to have that conversation that a young child may not be ready to have a philosophical conversation about their ego or whatever. You know, we're not going to go Siegfried and Roy. There we go, I was about to go Siegfried and Roy, and that's totally different. But, know, to have them sit down and think about how their actions affect others. I know there was a book that was really big for my kids called, Have You Filled a Bucket today?

Kathleen - That's a great book.

Valerie - You can fill other people's buckets, and there are people you can take out. And so it's kind of choosing who, what, and how you want to be. And I think that's important for kids that, like you said, are having this more introspective, me, me, me mentality in our culture. Now, what inspired you to write this particular book?

Kathleen - Um, so all of my books, everything I write, it, I mean, comes from the world around me, and my world is my kids, really. And so with our hearts, my son, my oldest son, he is 10, especially would just, I mean, every single day still will today, every day just would feel things and say things like, you know, you don't know what I'm going through, Mom. You don't know what I'm feeling. You never had to go through this. You didn't have to go to school. You didn't have to be with a teacher who didn't like you. La la la la la, right? Like the list can go on and on forever. You're like, and you know, it doesn't matter how many times you tell them, like, yes, I did. Yes, I did. I went through that. I know what you're feeling. Also, you're my kiddo, and I can see how you're feeling. Like, I totally understand it. I feel it. I've felt it, right? I've gone through this. And so that's kind of how the idea of our hearts began. And then I just took it from there.

Valerie - Very neat. It's one of those things that's the hardest thing to communicate to our kids. It's like, we understand. It's like, I don't know where that barrier is. I don't know what causes us to think that we are alone in our feelings, that we're the only ones. This only happens to us. But it, yes.

Kathleen - Right, and you want to fix it yourself, and they want to assert their independence and try to fix it. I always tell my kids, I'm like, there's an easy way and there's a hard way. Like you can just listen to mama, and I can help you, or you can solve it yourself and figure it out, and you'll get to the answer eventually. It just might be a little bumpier.

Valerie - Yes, it's always the longer route, isn't it? Well, what do you hope to communicate to kids through this book? What do you hope they walk away with?

Kathleen - I really just want children to remember that they aren't alone. And whether they feel that they aren't alone because they know that their mom and dad or grandparents or brothers or sisters or whoever it is that takes care of them has got them, or God has got them. I really just want kids to remember that they aren't alone in life. They aren't alone in what they are feeling, and that they love is like such a pure, beautiful source of everything that they are going to experience in life, and that they are probably, hopefully, surrounded in an abundance of love also. So that even if they're going through difficult times, hopefully they have a wonderful envelope of love from the people around them.

Valerie - I read something recently that, now, anxiety is something that I struggle with, as well as some of my kids struggle with. And someone was saying, you can't be grateful and anxious at the same time. And so just to, yeah. I'll have to find that particular verse, but it's that one of those things that just, if we could change our perspective, remember who's in control those key truths that Satan wants to lie to us about, that we are all alone in our feelings, that nobody feels what we're feeling, you know, just to remind them that even, you know, Jesus felt those feelings too, and you know, that we can, we have a Savior that has experienced what we experience. And you're so right, because it is about changing your perspective. And so it's so easy to be like, OK, I'm grateful for this. I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for this. And you still feel like garbage. But it's more like what you said, actually changing your perspective and your outlook and being like, OK, I have to get this work done. Or have to do this terrible thing that I really don't want to do. But we can do this, you know, like we're still gonna have to do hard, terrible things we don't wanna do. So it just has to do with how we're going to look at that hard, terrible thing we don't wanna do. I tell my kids, you can't always change the situation, but we can change our attitude. That's all we have control of: just the circle around us.

Kathleen - It is. And I think, you know, like, like I said a minute ago, like you can't really immediately change your perspective by saying I'm grateful for this. I'm grateful for this. However, I do feel like, you know, how kids will have these affirmations, and you'll see parents being like, oh, these are the affirmations my children say. I do feel like there is power in that every single day, just reflecting on the things that we're grateful for. Even if you are just having a down day, just going through it.

We always, gosh, whenever I pray with my children every single night and at dinner, that's like the first thing we start with is thank you God. Those are the first words in our prayers. And I do think there is power in reflecting a little bit on that. And whether you believe in God or you don't, you know, I always say like we...

We read books about unicorns, and we don't necessarily believe in unicorns. So it's okay to not believe in God and still read religious texts or religious contexts within texts because we can still pull stuff out of it. So, whether you believe in God or not, I think that you can still find gratitude every single day and try to make it a habit.

Valerie - And just by the fact that you are a human being, you are created with purpose and are loved. You know, even if your surroundings don't communicate that in the way that you receive it. And just because your heart's beating, you are of value. I think, yes, exactly. Kathleen, when did your writing journey begin?

Kathleen - A miracle, yeah, for sure. So I was a teacher, and I focused mostly on reading and writing when I taught elementary school, and I really loved it. And then I stopped teaching and just kind of felt pretty empty when I had my first child and missed the camaraderie, missed what I was doing. And when I was in college, gosh, 100 years ago, English was at one point, English was one of my majors. I went into the College of Journalism, and then I got a degree in advertising, and then I decided I wanted to be a teacher, and then I got a master's in elementary education. But I feel like there was always this vine of I want to write, I want to do something throughout my whole life. So when I had my first child, and I felt kind of empty, it was like, I don't have to stop. Even though I'm not working, I don't have to stop writing. I can still do something. And I really was having a very hard time.

I don't think I had postpartum depression, but I just think I made like, I think I made a poor choice to stay home. And so I stand by this now. I'm like, I really loved being home with my son, but I feel like I probably should have stayed. So I started to write a blog. It's still up there out in the world somewhere called The Unperfect Mom about how I was just doing a terrible job as a mother and not necessarily doing a terrible job, but I felt like I was doing a terrible job and that I don't believe I was alone in that because I would go, I would see parents in the grocery store and I'd be like, they'd come up to me and say, isn't parenting so wonderful? And in my head, I was like, No, this is awful and I'm having a really hard time. And I thought, I can't be the only person struggling with this. So I started to write about that, and I really loved it. It made me feel better. And then my little boy got a little bit bigger. This one, who's 10 now, is still the biggest pain in the booty. And he was having nighttime fears, and kind of going back to what we said earlier, how books are such a great segue. I couldn't, I went through all my teacher books, and I could not find a book that didn't affirm his fears. So I knew what I wanted, I knew what I would have valued as a teacher, and so I wrote it. I wrote my first book, Brave, and then just kind of continued from there. But that's really how it began.

Valerie - Very neat. I love how you're inspired by what's around you and want to provide the resources that your child needs. And I think that that's usually where writing, whether that love of writing is something you've had all your life or not, it's usually from a need that you see in your own kid's life, especially with kids' books. I love how writing has kind of been, like you said, a vine or woven into your story throughout. What made you make that big jump to try to publish something?

Kathleen - Actually that was like the hardest decision I, one of the hardest decisions I made. So I remember having this idea for Brave, and I was just afraid to. I knew I wanted to turn it into a book, but I was afraid of what people would think about me. Right. And I was a grown adult, and I was afraid, like, what, what was my husband going to say? What was my parents going to say? If all of a sudden I decided I wanted to publish a book. And so I told my husband, first, and he was like, Good, you should do it. And that was all I needed. I just needed like that one person to say not to laugh in my face. So I had the story, and I sat down and I literally wrote my first book in 10 minutes. And of course, I went back and edited a few things, but I mean, I feel like God had it in there and got it out. And yeah, I think, but the hardest step was definitely like having the courage to just put yourself out there, right? You're kind of like,

It's a whole new raw part of yourself that you're putting out. And all of a sudden, too, right? It wasn't my whole life. I aspired to be a children's book author. So I was a little fearful of what people would think, which is absolutely ridiculous. Let me say that again. Absolutely ridiculous in anything you're doing in life to worry about what other people are gonna think. But it's natural, right? And so just keep telling yourself that if there's something you wanna do and you're worried about putting it out there, just do it.

Valerie - I love that. It's similar to my own publishing journey in a sense. It's just one of those, like fear and insecurity, that really kind of held back me from pushing that publish button for a long time. So it's good to be patient and faithful in my humanity. Cause we do, do worry about what other people think, what is it? We, I say around my house that my kids are my heart walking around on the outside while books are just another piece of my heart walking around and you know, just like, you know, being parents, you know, wanting to, you know, your kid to present themselves well and public, want a book to do the same thing too. Well, Kathleen, what is your favorite book?

Kathleen - Like adult book. Is that what you were saying? Adult book?

Valerie - My only caveat is don't say the Bible because everybody would use that one.

Kathleen – I feel like my favorite book is whichever one I just read, because I also feel like I have adult amnesia. I can't remember anything. However, recently I finished All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Dewar. And I kind of felt really inept and stupid reading it because I

feel like I've never read anything that was so like every line was just masterfully written. Every single line was like poetry, but in a book. I mean, just gorgeous. I would find myself replaying. I listened to it. Didn't read it. But really, really, really beautiful book. Also, if you listen to it or read it, don't worry if you feel dumb. You'll get through it. It's not really difficult. It's just so beautiful the way he writes. So I really liked that one. Yeah, that was probably me. I just read The Husbands, which is not my favorite book I've read, but that one was hysterical. If you need just a light, silly story, English read, that was a good one. But yeah, probably all the light we cannot see is good.

Valerie - It's neat how books do that, whether it's the subject matter or the words themselves just kind of draw in and speak to where our hearts need to hear in whatever season we're in. So I love how favorite books change, or you go through seasons of different books. So very cool. Now, what can we expect next from you, Kathleen?

Kathleen - You can expect another book coming out in the spring since we're in February now. I'm hopefully projecting March, April, May-ish to release the next book, which I'm so excited about. Every time I put out a book, like, this is the best one. This is the best one yet. I really think this one's the best yet. It's going to be titled Gorgeous.

And again, talking about how books come from our life, I really spent the summer observing my children and their insecurities, and my nieces and my nephews and my second cousins and things like that. And so this book is about how everybody is gorgeous and we're all gorgeous and you're gorgeous and whether you have it, it's really about the characteristics and physical characteristics.

Here, I'll read the first. I'll read the first dance. Have it right in front of my face. It says, I haven't done this yet for anybody other than, like, my mother. It starts, did you know you are gorgeous from your head to your toes? Every part of you is different from your family at home, the folks down the road, the kids at your school, and your cousins as well. Each one of you is gorgeous in your own special ways. And then it continues with different characteristics and why you are gorgeous because look at me. Again, I just don't want kids to grow up and feel alone or feel insecure or feel like, well, as my kids are growing, they're starting to notice more about themselves. And they didn't notice them before. My nephews and my niece came this summer, and he has short arms, and we were at a water park. And a kid was like, laughed, and pointed. And he just brushed it off and was like, It's just because they're not used to seeing people like me. And I was like, That is so amazing and such a great way to look at things. And so I just want kids to feel like they're beautiful no matter how they look.

Valerie - It's one of those things that our differences are what make us beautiful. You know, if we were all the same, then it would be pretty bland, you know, and so different skin tones, different hair colors, different eye colors, different heights, different widths, you know, it's all just part of God's beautiful plan. And I love how you're communicating that through this new book. And I can't wait to hear more. Where can people find... go ahead. You're good.

Kathleen - Yeah, there's actually a line, me, because you just like, almost took it right out of my book. Says, different is good, unique is special. It would be so boring if we were all the same. Because it would be, right? If we all looked the same and we all looked quote unquote perfect, whatever that image is in your head, it would be pretty boring.

Valerie - It would be pretty boring for sure. Well, Kathleen, where can people find out more about you and your books?

Kathleen - They can learn more about me at my website, www.KathleenDavisBooks.com, and my Instagram at Kathleen Davis Books. You can see my ridiculous family and the things that we're doing. But yeah, and then of course, you know, I have signed copies on my website, but also on Amazon.

Valerie - We'll make sure to have those links in the show notes for people to find. Thank you so much for joining me today, Kathleen.

Kathleen - Thank you, Valerie. Have a great day.

Valerie - You too, and thank you for joining Kathleen and me on this episode of the Bookworthy Podcast. Check the show notes for any books or links that we discussed, and let us know in the comments what your favorite flower to receive, or living plant, other than roses. If you follow Bookworthy on social media, you've heard whispers of a contest and giveaway for authors and readers. More details are coming soon, and it's going to be a whole lot of bookish fun. Stay tuned, and happy reading.